Friday, May 28, 2010


The last 2 days have been completely hectic for me. I think I actually saw it coming.

Yesterday it was communicated to me that a programme on Channel Seven, ‘Sunday Night’ wants to run a story on me to do with the DBS trial I am part of.

I have had to send lots of information to the Producer as well as some photos which I had to go to my parents to get.

Today I had a massive appointment at the hospital where I was videotaped doing things I can’t do. On top of that, the television crew were there filming it. I then had to do an MEP which sends pulses from your brain to your body – OUCH!!

I have lots of socialising this weekend! I have another hospital visit on Monday then I am meeting with the television crew again on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. I am off to hospital on Thursday and my operation is on Friday.

I am excited that the television crew have picked up the story. It is an important one to tell and I hope that I can get my message across – that this operation is not financially feasible for those on a Disability Support Pension and that it needs to be available in the public hospital. The monthly Health Fund payments that need to be paid for a year are too great for those on a pension and the extra costs are hard to fund as well. I am hoping to convey the necessity for this to be publicly funded.

- Martha

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Laying on a Li-Lo

Do you ever feel like just escaping from life and just lying on a Li-lo in a pool drifting around relaxed, with the sun shining and a soft breeze to keep you cool?

I have had this vision for about 6 months now. I so want to do it. The vision started in summer and although I was not terribly busy I never got around to doing it.

Today the vision resurfaced. It is a cold, miserable, rainy day and the last thing you would want to do is lay on a Li-lo in the pool.

I think there may be another reason why the vision keeps appearing. I think it may be about wanting to escape the pressures and hecticness of life.

I also wonder if I had everything lined up to lay on the Li-lo, whether I would in fact do it and for how long? How long would it take to settle down and shed the busyness? Would I persevere until I got there or would I give up, or would I get more wound up trying to relax? Maybe I’m scared to try because of failure?

I keep telling myself that when I’m finished this or that task that I will put a relaxation time into my day, but instead I find another task to do. I’m scared that I don’t know how to relax and switch my mind off.

If only I could see the reward in relaxing?

- Martha

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Pupa & Bronte

We have two beautiful puppies. Pupa is 10 months old and Bronte is 4 months old. They have brought a lot of love, joy, laughter and happiness into our lives.

I had been thinking about getting a dog for about 5 years but I didn’t know what breed to get. I looked after my friend’s dog for the weekend. He is a King Charles Cavalier. He suited us perfectly. My mum was telling a lady who had a female Cavalier x Maltese puppy for sale. We went to see her and fell in love with her instantly. Pupa means Beautiful Doll. Pupa is patient and understanding and knowing and is very laid back. She is an inside dog and sleeps with us in bed.

Bronte came along 6 months later. She is Pupa’s full sister. They have the same colouring in different places. Bronte is very determined and knows what she wants and gets it! She is also mischievous. She too wormed her way into our bed within the first week of her arrival.

Pupa is a very good sister to Bronte and is very protective.

These two puppies have filled up our house and our hearts. Our devotion and love for them is 100%. We get to be parents to them and love them. We have made much space in our lives for them. Space we were saving up for our children.

I am amazed at how much I love having them around me all the time. They do tire me but the rewards are greater.

When I come home Pupa jumps on my lap and gives me kisses. I then sidle up to a lounge and Bronts jumps on to my lap for her turn.

I use to think treating dogs like babies was silly, until I got my own. I can’t believe how I keep doing things I swore I’d never do. You can never judge until you are in that situation.

- Martha

Monday, May 24, 2010

From Wanting a Baby to Brain Surgery

Okay, so in 11 days I am having my operation and I am pondering how it all happened. How did I come to this point in my life? It was definitely a set of events that occurred one after the other and it probably started with my wanting to have a baby.

At the age of 30 my biological clock was booming. I wanted a baby. I did some research, followed the direction and……nothing.

After a while I knew something was wrong. I went to see a doctor who tested both of us and the results were a BIG HUMUNGOUS (life changing) shock! We were told the only way we would conceive a child was through infertility treatment. It sounded like a piece of cake but it wasn’t.

The more cycles I did, the more depressed I got. My GP was not supportive and so after 15 year with this GP I went and sought a new one. My new GP is my ‘angel’. She wanted to make me feel better and be more comfortable. After getting me on the right anti-depressant medication she suggested I go see a Neurologist for my disability. Dr Woods was lovely – I saw him twice and by the second visit he had researched who to send me to next. A Dr Krause who was new to Australia from Germany. He was leading a trial at the hospital 5 minutes away from home on my disability. Is this not fate??

So here I am 11 days away from an operation that could remove my twitches and free me up to be more independent.

My questions are: Is this a path that God had laid out for me to travel? It feels like it. I have not sought out any of this. It has just fallen in my lap.
Do we all have a path to walk set for us? Do we get to choose much at all? I know that trying to have a baby was all wrong because of the struggle it was. I was trying to lay a new path (I am not a road worker obviously).

I do have a niggle of, What if this is another disappointment? But I am at peace about it now so I will keep going with it. Obviously right now I am on the right path.

- Martha

Saturday, May 22, 2010


I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately and I know where this has come from. In thirteen days I am having a big operation. They are operating on my brain. Although this is a relatively ‘safe’ operation, there are parts of me that thinks ‘what if’? So, to prepare I have written letters to my loved ones remembering the good times we have had, what they mean to me and thanking them for this and that. It’s been a nice walk down memory lane.

I have also been thinking about how my life has been shaped by people, movies and books.

The movie ‘Dead Poets Society’ came out when I was struggling in Year 11. I was miserable and started questioning if I had to ‘conform’ and finish high school or if there was another way. Thoreau’s quote, "…and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.", started my journey of wanting to ‘taste’ life and not to just go through the motions in a numb state until death. I want this for others also. I don’t want people to live no life or part of a life because they have to, for example, stay in a job they don’t like to pay the bills. Life is more precious than money.

There have also been a handful of people who have believed in me and my abilities and bolstered me up so that I could achieve more.

My teachers at my Special School sent me to Public School so I could feed my brain. My Primary School teacher promised I wouldn’t be in the ‘dummies’ class in High School and I wasn’t. One High School teacher told me I could do anything I set my mind to. One boss believed I could do the big jobs he gave me and never second guessed me. He supported, respected, breathed a sigh of relief that the job was in capable hands and let me soar. All these people built bricks of belief for me but the capstones were put on by my boss who gave me self belief and self respect and took away the feeling of needing to prove myself to others. I now know what I’m made of and what I’m capable of.

One of my favourite books “Sophie's World” by Jostein Gaarder also had an impact on my life. Gaarder’s quote, 'Wisest is she who knows she does not know.', has always kept me grounded. To know that you know, not much at all, keeps you alert to new insights and ways of doing things. I like sharing life with people who are open to new ideas and I am happy to be taught a thing or two. To be closed to this and think you know everything cheats you out of so much.

- Martha

Friday, May 21, 2010


Hi, this is my first blog and although I am eager to fill some space with my meaderings I am fearful of writing too little or not having anything to write about at all.

I have started writing this in a word document and hopefully I can just copy and paste it into my blog when I am finished and happy with it.

I have decided to call my blog ‘The Climber’ as I see life’s journey as a climb and the song ‘The Climb’ by Miley Cyrus has been resonating within me today.

I have seen many mountains and have wanted to make them move. I have also gone out searching for them and decided to climb some. I don’t think I’ve ever been alone but at times I have felt alone.

Reflecting back, my life has been interesting – happy, sad, easy and hard. But I have tried not to give up because I have always been, interested about what’s on the other side of that mountain, not wanting to miss out on anything.

Looking forward I have an impending mountain coming and I am hoping the other side is full of big dreams. I imagine falls, cuts, bruises and bumps along the way, as well as laughs and maybe one or two ‘free rides’.

I hope you enjoy reading about some of the story so far as well as future hopes and dreams I may share about!

- Martha